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"I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high."
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Fun fact : The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 ft. - from

What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? [ Blonds ]
What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? Dual air bags! ...

No Sex on the Ark! [ Miscellaneous ]
When the Ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals. "Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO SEX on this trip! All of you males ...

Singing Frog [ Miscellaneous ]
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any ...

Redneck Logic [ Miscellaneous ]
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and ...

Two men and one woman [ Ethnic ]
Long, but pretty good:On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian ...

Cybersex Discussion [ Miscellaneous ]
Online computer users often engage in cyber sex. However, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he ...

Little Johnny was in class again... [ Children ]
Little Johnny was in class again.Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand."The sky is definitely blue." ...

The Lizard of Oz! [ Kids Jokes ]
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?The Lizard of Oz! ...

A guy steps into an elevator and... [ Sex ]
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, "Oh, ...

A gruesome discovery [ Ethnic ]
A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. "What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him. "Why don't ...

If Thinking Machines ran Christmas... [ Computing Jokes ]
You would be able to hang over 64,000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time. ...

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down... [ Drunks ]
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're ...

Dumb Alabama Laws [ Miscellaneous ]
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. You may not drive barefooted. It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty. It is illegal ...

Process-Oriented God [ Computers ]
Process-Oriented God If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created ...

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [ Relationships ]
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick?.as I beat my wife! ...